Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Unknown Anger

What should I do when I face them? I have no idea at all. I'm damn mad whenever I think of being with them for the whole semester. I'm not trying to say that they are bad, but I just can't bear the present study attitudes of them. I knew I'm not a clever person to talk about people, but I noticed that I have the right to obtain a good marks for my assignment.

Well, straight to the point. I had discovered that I can be a good but not perfect friend, but I seriously not a good classmate. From my research, Mel said that I talk a lot whenever people is studying. However, I found another bad point of myself which is-being a selfish person.

Starting from Monday(2/5/08), I have them with me till the end of this sem. Well, I'm not critising the way, the style of them studying but I just can't take it. In other words, I'm not understanding enough. They can't understand English well, but all the lectures and tutors will be conducted in English so what can they do if not trying their best to listen and learn English??!! I admit that my English is quite poor, but I still try my best to pay attention to what the teacher is delivering to us. Whenever they don't understand, they will say that they are sleepy or boring. Will I not get angry even it's non of my business, but as a friend I really hope they will not fail.

Then, during the English lesson, teacher asked us to do presentataion about ourselves, and guess what she(one of them) said to me?! She said she is very shy and talking in front is so "geli". Oh my God, she's elder than me but she was so immature. I knew I'm not very mature, but the way they talk and their conversation was so childish and nonsense to me. I'm really fed up to listen to these kind of "cold jokes". I'm so bored without Melissa. At least she will not speak like them.

Today, I had made a selfish decision. Perhaps I care too much about my marks! During ME class, we were asked to group ourselves into 7 groups. Instead of joining them, I joined a group of boys which means I'm the only girl. I didn't want to join them as I'm afraid their attitude will affect my marks and I'm also afraid that I have to do all the work later on. Thus, I didn't want to think about joining them. At the same time, I also feel guilty as I "dump" them aside, maybe they need my help or maybe I can help them to change-but changing people is not my prinsip. We change for ourselves, not for others.

**Actually I noticed that I'm not in the good mood as I kept feeling hungry. I ate for few times a day ever since I met them. I'm so "blunt" right?!!

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