I hate Myself

I hate myself very much! I was being a fake person whole day long. I want to cry out loud, but I kept smiling away, covering my sadness. I even pretended that I was only having a bad flu whenever I cried a little without anyone knowing. I'm just not the real me.. Whenever he come near me, I smile at him. Obviously, my smile wasn't a smile, I'm actually hiding everything that I felt. However, I wanted to be his friends as he havn't forget about his ex. I was angry with myself as I didn't know this fact earlier and started a relationship with him. Now that I'm in love with him, I have to let him go. I blame myself for everything and I also blame that I can't accept the fact which I should. I'm leaving next month, I hope for something better though I can't do anything. I hate myself! I'm useless and I'd break my own rule by entering the fake world.