I WaNt THe ReAL Me

After reading Sab's blog.. I had a thought about myself.. The present me, the present behaviour and the present life. Time flies even faster than a rocket, without any signal, any notification. I'm going to complete my first semester very soon. What had I learned throughout these 14 weeks? If I sit down and think deeply, I could give a conclusion that I did learn something new but the new things that I gained were too little.

For the 1st semester, I had 6 subjects-BITA, IA, ME, ENG, BS and HE. The most easiest subject for me is English. The others are head aching. Flashed through my brain, I was being a playful girl. I was afraid that I have not enough money, so I went to work. I even enjoyed my job very much as children are the most innocent animals in the world. Unlike those grown up people like me, corrupted and useless. I felt very happy to see kids around me.

Everyday after class, I'll head to KUMON centre, then I will have my dinner and bath. At the very begining of the semester, I used to revise before I sleep and did all my tutorials question., but as time goes on, I began to be a lazy person who only will revise in the next day and do my homeworks during weekends. I became worst when I was addicted to the internet and addicted to shoppings. I then spent my weekends either in the cyber cafe or shopping complex. I wasted a lot money on food, top ups and internet.

I couldn't accept what I'd changed into. I assumed that I was being a fake girl ever since I came to this college. Most importantly, the hatred towards my course increased from day to day. I think this is the reason why I became lazier and lazier. I used to be the most hardworking student among my friends before Mel came. After she come to our class, I no longer hardworking. After SPM end, I worked for 6 months and had a relationship. Then I began to change into another person.

I also had the thought that I couldn't concentrate because I miss him so much. Yesterday we sms and I cried again. I felt the warmth that I'd lost long time ago. I really love him. Many said I'm stupid but I really cannot forget about him and will never deny that he is the 1st guy that is so perfect to me. I really hope to know what is he thinking.. He is taking business nw. His ph no ends with 20 and he want me to teach him chinese. How can I stop thinking "nonsense" when I found out all this?? I LoVe HiM! I loVE hIm..

Back to my present life.. Haiz, all I can say is I dunno what to do anymorew. I want the real me, at least the real me is much better, more mature, more responsible.. People turn mature as they grow up but why I didn't? I'm really stress and lonely.. Lonely in many sense.. Especially in the sense of family.. What will happen if a family only cares about money?!! Sigh~ Lazy to think about my family already. HAVE or DuN HAVE is just the same..

HAte this LIfe, HaTe MySElf!!!

**BAD Grammar!!